Hard to believe, but…

Our new loo is leaking!

For those of a sensitive nature, let me make it perfectly clear.  When I say loo,  I mean the loo cistern.  Nothing more unpleasant.

Water is running down the back, between the cistern and the wall, and soaking into our brand new timber floor.

I phone Dave with the bad news and he seems perplexed.  It must, he suggests, be condensation.  A good rub down with a towel,  and a few windows flung open,  will solve the problem pronto.  It’s something to do with the time of the year.

I do as he says but, three hours later, the puddle is bigger than ever.

I phone him again and leave a message on his answerphone.  He doesn’t get back to me.  Possibly he has left the country.  Nothing would surprise me.  His name is probably not even Dave.

Mrs C has placed a small container in situ and lots of paper towels to soak up the flow.

And just when we thought the worst was behind us…


Thought for the Day

‘When I look  back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.’

Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)


About Chester Crump

Chester J Crump has spent a lifetime in cheese. His company, CC Cheese Ltd, was voted Door to Door magazine’s ‘Smallest Retailer of the Year’ from 1985-2007. Cheddar Today described him as ‘Chester Crump, aged 45’, while the UK’s most successful broadsheet, The Daily Telegraph, has never mentioned him at all. In his spare time, and under a completely different name, Chester has written gags and sketches for a wide range of TV and radio shows both in the UK and mainland Europe (BBC1, ITV, S4C, Radio 2, Radio 4 and the World Service – among others). A published writer for children, teenagers and adults, he has also performed stand-up comedy across Yorkshire and, in 2011, at the Edinburgh Fringe. Ten years ago, he was rumoured to be the constant companion of Sarah Michelle Gellar – TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and, more recently, that girl out of EastEnders whose name no one can remember. When he’s not writing his blog, Chester attends second-hand hat conventions, and has what many believe to be the largest collection of used headgear in Yorkshire. He is married to a woman, and lives in a house. All the above is completely true – with the possible exception of the bits about cheese. And Buffy. And EastEnders. And hats.
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2 Responses to Hard to believe, but…

  1. Her Indoors says:

    I suggest you borrow Dave’s copy of ‘The Idiot’s Guide to Plumbing’ and do-it-yourself. Now that you’ve parted with the dosh, you won’t see him again.

    • chestercrump says:

      Fortunately, the current Mrs C is not computer-literate – though she can hold her own in a Latvian fruit market. If she were more savvy with the PC, she might think I had ‘another woman’. Wherever your own ‘indoors’ is, I trust your fittings are all in working order. (And thank you for your interest!)

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