Swear*ng for beginners…

According to a report in this morning’s Daily Telegraph (‘The paper our bishops read’, so we know it minds its p’s and q’s), a school in Barnsley has put swearing on the syllabus.

Children have been asked to grade various four-letter words as being ‘Always OK’, ‘Sometimes OK’, ‘Never OK’ or ‘Depends’.

A number of parents phoned in to complain, but were told by a teacher to ‘f—’ off as it was none of their business.  (They weren’t really, I’ve just made that up.  But if they had been, I wouldn’t have been surprised; and I don’t suppose you would have been, either.)

Many schools have long since abandoned education as being their primary purpose;  largely because none of our teachers can spell, and everyone goes to university whether they can count up to ten or not.  But is A- level swearing the way ahead?   I’m not convinced.

Another question asked was,  ‘Is it acceptable to shout the f-word across a classroom or shopping centre?’   I’m tempted to suggest, it all depends on whether your teacher is the target, or you spot Tony Blair coming out of Primark.

Another was,  ‘Is it all right to say s— when you drop something?’.   Not teaching standards, of course,  or we’d be here all day and probably have to invent some new rude words to keep us going.

A school spokesman said it was ‘part of our social responsibility’ to introduce the children to bad language.   No doubt so that when they go to university, and have to be held back a year because their teacher was a ‘d—‘, who didn’t ‘learn them nothing’, they’ll know what to put in an email to him.

It will also come in handy when they see the size of the bill for their three-year course,  and might otherwise be at a loss for words.

Of course, it’s only a matter of time before they turn swearing into a university degree.

Getting an ‘F’ would no longer be seen as ‘failure’.  Quite the contrary.    And doubtless a ‘C’ would mean you were top of the class and could go home early.

It’s no wonder British education is the envy of the world.

Or, as a teacher in Barnsley might put it, ‘the f—— envy of the world’.

Thought for the Day

‘I’ve got an old master hanging on my sitting room wall.  Well, it’s just his head, really.  That’ll teach him to put me back a year.’

King Leopold II of Belgium (1835-1909)


About Chester Crump

Chester J Crump has spent a lifetime in cheese. His company, CC Cheese Ltd, was voted Door to Door magazine’s ‘Smallest Retailer of the Year’ from 1985-2007. Cheddar Today described him as ‘Chester Crump, aged 45’, while the UK’s most successful broadsheet, The Daily Telegraph, has never mentioned him at all. In his spare time, and under a completely different name, Chester has written gags and sketches for a wide range of TV and radio shows both in the UK and mainland Europe (BBC1, ITV, S4C, Radio 2, Radio 4 and the World Service – among others). A published writer for children, teenagers and adults, he has also performed stand-up comedy across Yorkshire and, in 2011, at the Edinburgh Fringe. Ten years ago, he was rumoured to be the constant companion of Sarah Michelle Gellar – TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and, more recently, that girl out of EastEnders whose name no one can remember. When he’s not writing his blog, Chester attends second-hand hat conventions, and has what many believe to be the largest collection of used headgear in Yorkshire. He is married to a woman, and lives in a house. All the above is completely true – with the possible exception of the bits about cheese. And Buffy. And EastEnders. And hats.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Swear*ng for beginners…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s