Put on a happy face…

According to a new government survey,  the happiest people in the land are those who are married, currently employed and own their own home.    (The other 59,872,401 aren’t feeling too bright.)

Curiously, the happiest folk of all are teenagers (who don’t generally fall into any of the above categories), and those above retirement age, who, though they often fall into at least two,  are also the most likely to be robbed,  physically attacked or otherwise abused by the government of the day,  if not the rest of us.  (Some say it’s their own fault for keeping all their money under the bed and answering the door to strangers; but that’s no reason for the state to have a go, too.)

People who live in the Shetlands are the merriest of all – so we must assume that the islands are packed to the gills with married, hard-working, home-owning teenagers and their ancient, well-paid retainers.

Apparently,  the most miserable folk in the UK live in Blackpool.    I don’t know what to make of that and, even if I did, I’d keep it to myself for fear of making them any unhappier.

Of course, we’re all miserable these days, what with the world in financial freefall, the longest day of summer having passed, and the news that David Beckham is on his way back from America to oversee the London Olympics.

In the meantime,  startling news just in – accompanied by the usual photo:

(Click on above image to enlarge)

I was indeed thinking of calling it a day, and had even made plans to take Mrs C for a stroll in the park.  Then the following message arrived – from one of my many followers around the globe – and I knew I was just being selfish:

thanks for this matter. i understand to be able to succeed well in writing articles and my inspiration always comes from your blog, thanks for the help

Well – what can you do?

Thought for Today

‘They say money can’t make you happy.  But if you’re a woman, it can buy you a lot of shoes, and they’ll do the job instead.’

Joan of Arc  (c1412-1431)


About Chester Crump

Chester J Crump has spent a lifetime in cheese. His company, CC Cheese Ltd, was voted Door to Door magazine’s ‘Smallest Retailer of the Year’ from 1985-2007. Cheddar Today described him as ‘Chester Crump, aged 45’, while the UK’s most successful broadsheet, The Daily Telegraph, has never mentioned him at all. In his spare time, and under a completely different name, Chester has written gags and sketches for a wide range of TV and radio shows both in the UK and mainland Europe (BBC1, ITV, S4C, Radio 2, Radio 4 and the World Service – among others). A published writer for children, teenagers and adults, he has also performed stand-up comedy across Yorkshire and, in 2011, at the Edinburgh Fringe. Ten years ago, he was rumoured to be the constant companion of Sarah Michelle Gellar – TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and, more recently, that girl out of EastEnders whose name no one can remember. When he’s not writing his blog, Chester attends second-hand hat conventions, and has what many believe to be the largest collection of used headgear in Yorkshire. He is married to a woman, and lives in a house. All the above is completely true – with the possible exception of the bits about cheese. And Buffy. And EastEnders. And hats.
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2 Responses to Put on a happy face…

  1. Cheese up, young fellow!

    • chestercrump says:

      As one of my many ‘visitors’ said only this morning, ‘this is really nice. keep up the work going’. Consider me cheesed up – and, as ever, many thanks for popping in. 🙂

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