Blending in with the locals…

Mrs C’s brother, Bernard,  is coming to stay with us for a week!

Bernard is a curious fellow.  A former gentleman’s hairdresser and secondhand socks salesman, he was in the British Army for many years, and rose to the rank of Major.

He’s the only man I’ve ever met, military or otherwise, who claims to have ‘seen action’ on the Isle of Wight.   He drops hints from time to time, generally after his third sherry on an empty stomach, but, that apart, refuses to be drawn on detail.  He claims it was ‘hush hush’ and will all come out in the ‘fullness of time’.  Then he usually falls asleep.

For some years now, he’s entertained hopes of standing for Parliament on what he calls a ‘progressive independent patriotic’ platform.  I have no idea what that means, and am not sure he does, either.

He holds what can only be described as eccentric views on most matters – social, economic and political.  Still, bearing in mind where the so-called traditional approach has led us,  who’s to say he’s any more bonkers than the folk we generally vote in.

Mrs C tells me he’s writing a book and hopes to ‘run a few ideas past me’ before he ‘goes public’.  I’m not sure I like the sound of that.

Bernard stays with us from time to time – generally to give his long-suffering wife, Norma,  a break.  He’s Mrs C’s older brother, and she dotes on him even if, in my opinion, he’s completely off his trolley.     Possibly his time on the Isle of Wight is to blame.  If his barminess was brought about by service to his country, I suppose I should make allowance.

In the meantime, here’s another photo from my collection.  I found this one up in the loft.  It may amuse you.  It may not.   If it doesn’t, don’t desert me just yet.    Bernard may finally tell us what happened on the Isle of Wight.  He probably won’t but, desperate for news as you are,  can you afford to take the chance?

(Click on above image to enlarge)

Thought for Today

‘They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist–’

Final words of General John Sedgwick (1813-1864)


About Chester Crump

Chester J Crump has spent a lifetime in cheese. His company, CC Cheese Ltd, was voted Door to Door magazine’s ‘Smallest Retailer of the Year’ from 1985-2007. Cheddar Today described him as ‘Chester Crump, aged 45’, while the UK’s most successful broadsheet, The Daily Telegraph, has never mentioned him at all. In his spare time, and under a completely different name, Chester has written gags and sketches for a wide range of TV and radio shows both in the UK and mainland Europe (BBC1, ITV, S4C, Radio 2, Radio 4 and the World Service – among others). A published writer for children, teenagers and adults, he has also performed stand-up comedy across Yorkshire and, in 2011, at the Edinburgh Fringe. Ten years ago, he was rumoured to be the constant companion of Sarah Michelle Gellar – TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and, more recently, that girl out of EastEnders whose name no one can remember. When he’s not writing his blog, Chester attends second-hand hat conventions, and has what many believe to be the largest collection of used headgear in Yorkshire. He is married to a woman, and lives in a house. All the above is completely true – with the possible exception of the bits about cheese. And Buffy. And EastEnders. And hats.
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One Response to Blending in with the locals…

  1. Pingback: Fur better or worse… | Cheese Will Set Us Free

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