All sweetness and ‘lite’…

Startling news!

According to an article in this morning’s Daily Mail (‘the paper our dietitians read’, so we know it favours wholesome living), a new survey suggests that drinking 14 cans of fizzy pop a day may not be as healthy as was previously thought.

Apparently, last year, every man, woman and child in the country downed no fewer than 25 gallons of canned cola each.  (I’ve got the calculator out and done the maths: that’s a staggering 286 cans per person.)

Result: we each of us now weigh in at over 200 kilos and can’t go to the toilet unaided.

If drunk every day, scientists warn, fizzy drinks can lead to long-term weight gain and every illness under the sun.  (These are the same scientists who once warned us that a blow to the head with a hammer, four times an hour, every day for a month, might lead to some form of brain damage.  So we know they’re to be trusted on the facts.)

And there’s worse to come!

Incredibly,   scientists claim that the sugar in these drinks can rot the teeth.   Yes!   Hard to believe, but I read it with my own eyes so it must be true.    That’s told the dentists who, for years,  have advised us all to eat a bar of toffee three times a day after meals if we want to keep a full set of molars.

A study of children aged between 3 and 5 revealed that when fed a constant diet of sweet, sugary drinks, they craved even more and didn’t want to eat cabbage.  They also became the size of tanks.   Whereas those who were given nothing but water to drink remained on the thin side and ate all manner of good things offered – and not just because they were grateful for anything they could get.

Further research showed that rats in a lab preferred sugar to cocaine – though why they were feeding them cocaine in the first place was not explained.  Possibly to wean them off chocolate, or whatever it was they’d been testing on them the previous month.

It’s good to know our money can still be spent wisely, especially in these straitened economic times when there isn’t a lot of cash to go round.

Elsewhere in the news,  Bernard and I have been invited over to Harold’s house this evening: for wine, cheese and – Harold has promised us – ‘a little bit of magic’.   Mrs C will not be there as she has a Homemakers Group to attend.  They have a guest speaker – travelling all the way from Hull – who will be giving a talk entitled,  ‘101 Uses For The Rolling Pin’.

The mind boggles.

Thought for the Day

‘I heard the country was at war.  So I moved to the city.’

Samuel Pepys (1633-1703)

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About Chester Crump

Chester J Crump has spent a lifetime in cheese. His company, CC Cheese Ltd, was voted Door to Door magazine’s ‘Smallest Retailer of the Year’ from 1985-2007. Cheddar Today described him as ‘Chester Crump, aged 45’, while the UK’s most successful broadsheet, The Daily Telegraph, has never mentioned him at all. In his spare time, and under a completely different name, Chester has written gags and sketches for a wide range of TV and radio shows both in the UK and mainland Europe (BBC1, ITV, S4C, Radio 2, Radio 4 and the World Service – among others). A published writer for children, teenagers and adults, he has also performed stand-up comedy across Yorkshire and, in 2011, at the Edinburgh Fringe. Ten years ago, he was rumoured to be the constant companion of Sarah Michelle Gellar – TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and, more recently, that girl out of EastEnders whose name no one can remember. When he’s not writing his blog, Chester attends second-hand hat conventions, and has what many believe to be the largest collection of used headgear in Yorkshire. He is married to a woman, and lives in a house. All the above is completely true – with the possible exception of the bits about cheese. And Buffy. And EastEnders. And hats.
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