Bernard raises his glass…

Bernard sends a huge thank you to those of you who were kind enough to download copies of his manifesto, X Marks the Spot  yesterday.

He says he knows the fact that it was free had nothing to do with it.  (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you obviously just read your emails and don’t visit the blog.  Shame on you!)

At one point, Amazon had him as high as #34 in their top 100 ‘Free Humour’ chart. (It may have been higher – he wasn’t always looking in.)   This did leave him a wee bit confused as he doesn’t see anything remotely funny in the book.  Still, that’s politicians for you – no sense of humour.

If you did download X,  and read the thing yourself – or have a servant recite it to you in the bath – he hopes you enjoy it.  If you do, tell others.   (Even better, write a review, and post it on Amazon.)  If you didn’t, then don’t.   Let them buy it, too, and suffer along with you.    (Besides, it didn’t cost you a bean.  You’re not financially down on the deal and shouldn’t go looking for revenge.)

Meanwhile, I’ve had some more fan mail from Mr and Mrs Spam (and all the little Spams).  Here’s a small selection:

your post is an excellent example of why i keep coming back to read your excellent quality content that is forever updated

However, they need to get their act together, because that message is curiously at odds with the next:

could you tell me when you’re going to update your posts

Fortunately, we’re back on  track with this one:

the world has been crying out for quality postings such as yourself. i am overwhelmed

And finally:

the site is great and really very interesting too and this site is ruthless to others

That’s me – ruthless to others!  (Just in case you were thinking of posting a rubbish review.)

Normal service will be resumed shortly.  Have an enjoyable weekend.

Thought for the Day

‘In America only the successful writer is important.  In France all writers are important.  In England no writer is important.  In Australia you have to explain what a writer is.’

Geoffrey Cotterell (1919-2010)


About Chester Crump

Chester J Crump has spent a lifetime in cheese. His company, CC Cheese Ltd, was voted Door to Door magazine’s ‘Smallest Retailer of the Year’ from 1985-2007. Cheddar Today described him as ‘Chester Crump, aged 45’, while the UK’s most successful broadsheet, The Daily Telegraph, has never mentioned him at all. In his spare time, and under a completely different name, Chester has written gags and sketches for a wide range of TV and radio shows both in the UK and mainland Europe (BBC1, ITV, S4C, Radio 2, Radio 4 and the World Service – among others). A published writer for children, teenagers and adults, he has also performed stand-up comedy across Yorkshire and, in 2011, at the Edinburgh Fringe. Ten years ago, he was rumoured to be the constant companion of Sarah Michelle Gellar – TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and, more recently, that girl out of EastEnders whose name no one can remember. When he’s not writing his blog, Chester attends second-hand hat conventions, and has what many believe to be the largest collection of used headgear in Yorkshire. He is married to a woman, and lives in a house. All the above is completely true – with the possible exception of the bits about cheese. And Buffy. And EastEnders. And hats.
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