I wish I’d thought of it first…

[A slice of virtual cheddar for the first reader to spot the less-than-deliberate mistake – now corrected – in the original version  of the photograph reproduced below.]

Another quiet day, so I’m forced to cheat again, with a  report on  events north of the border.  (By which I mean,  Scotland – not whichever country is north of your own particular border.  Unless it also happens to be Scotland.)

Canadian comic, Stewart Francis has won an award for the funniest joke at this year’s Edinburgh Fringe – the world’s largest arts festival.

He won for the joke: “You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.”

The British king of the one-liner, Tim Vine, took the runner-up spot for the second year in a row.

Vine, who won the award two years ago, appears twice in the list of top-10 jokes,  as does Francis.

The top jokes – voted for by a public panel – were as follows:

  1. Stewart Francis – “You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.”
  2. Tim Vine – “Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. “
  3. Will Marsh – “I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister.”
  4. Rob Beckett – “You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.”
  5. Chris Turner – “I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don’t know why.”
  6. Tim Vine – “I took part in the sun tanning Olympics – I just got Bronze.”
  7. George Ryegold – “Pornography is often frowned upon, but that’s only because I’m concentrating.”
  8. Stewart Francis – “I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!”
  9. Lou Sanders – “I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: ‘It’s not rocket salad.”
  10. Nish Kumar – “My mum’s so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism… she wouldn’t fancy her chances.”

(Click on above image to enlarge)

Thought for the Day

On first entering a London Underground train, it is customary to shake hands with every passenger.’

R J Phillips (‘Unhelpful Advice for Foreign Tourists’)


About Chester Crump

Chester J Crump has spent a lifetime in cheese. His company, CC Cheese Ltd, was voted Door to Door magazine’s ‘Smallest Retailer of the Year’ from 1985-2007. Cheddar Today described him as ‘Chester Crump, aged 45’, while the UK’s most successful broadsheet, The Daily Telegraph, has never mentioned him at all. In his spare time, and under a completely different name, Chester has written gags and sketches for a wide range of TV and radio shows both in the UK and mainland Europe (BBC1, ITV, S4C, Radio 2, Radio 4 and the World Service – among others). A published writer for children, teenagers and adults, he has also performed stand-up comedy across Yorkshire and, in 2011, at the Edinburgh Fringe. Ten years ago, he was rumoured to be the constant companion of Sarah Michelle Gellar – TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and, more recently, that girl out of EastEnders whose name no one can remember. When he’s not writing his blog, Chester attends second-hand hat conventions, and has what many believe to be the largest collection of used headgear in Yorkshire. He is married to a woman, and lives in a house. All the above is completely true – with the possible exception of the bits about cheese. And Buffy. And EastEnders. And hats.
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6 Responses to I wish I’d thought of it first…

  1. 2’s funnier than1.
    And there seems something rather cruel about treating 3 as a joke at all.
    Chester’s carryings on are far funnier than any of the above.

  2. Puzzled over this yesterday when you said HE did the biting – still think I’m missing something.

    On a more practical point, did you do something to make this come out on an email as a new post?

    • Or does it automatically do that every time you edit an existing post?

      And why did it make me type the last bit again?

      • (1) I obviously watched too many Hammer Horror films growing up. In this particular photo, Mrs B is, if memory serves (which, to be fair, it doesn’t always) a dead-ringer for one of Christopher Lee’s army of neck-nibbling young ladies.
        (2) I assume you mean my amended post turned up in your email box? I’ve no idea why. I’ve amended posts in the past and I don’t think this has happened. Normally, as you know, WordPress tells you the post is ‘being shared’, but this didn’t happen on this occasion. Very puzzling. I wonder if it’s because you commented?
        (3) Not sure about having to type the last bit again, either.
        (4) And the comment about ‘Cara’s comment box’ (my previous post) has lost me completely.

        I may have to lie down in a darkened room to recover for a while. Mind you, it’s dark enough outside at present and we were promised sunshine. The world’s going mad.

        It’ll be Harold and Bernard, for sure! 🙂

  3. 1 No wonder I didn’t get it – what about the cheese?
    2 yes – I’ve amended one so often it would drive everyone away from ever looking at my site again if it was emailed round every time. had me worried there for a moment.
    3 Just one of those things I guess – you know, a Harold and Bernard type thing.
    4 The link to Cara’s site is on my award post
    5 The sun’s come on a visit down here.
    6 What do you expect if you allow Bernard and Harold to meet each other
    7 Just a thought – have you checked Dean’s post about the debit card? Reckon H&B have been there too!

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