Happy families…

Bernard has sent me a silly photo.   He’s like a man with a large Rolex:  too much time on his hands.  Anyway, here it is:

(Click on above image to enlarge)

Meanwhile,  Mr and Mrs Spam are still in touch.   They like to keep things short,  so as not to waste my valuable time.  What more can one ask of perfect strangers?

you have got a really useful blog i have been here reading for about an hour. i am a newbie and your success is very much an inspiration for me

It’s nice to know I’m a source of encouragement to others.  Not only that, but I’m good for the brain, too, as the following message testifies:

I was looking for such easy task from a long time it will help me in increasing my knowledge. thanks a lot.

As you know, I like to keep you apprised of the latest news stories from around the world.  Here’s a response to We’ve all had our chips:

really informative post, i am truly happy to post my comment on your blog. i’m glad that you shared this helpful info with us. 

Least, and certainly last,  it seems you’re all going to desert me if I don’t do something about my browser.  This is serious news, and no mistake!

Hi, Neat post. There’s a problem with your web site in web explorer, might test this? IE nonetheless is the market chief and a large part of other folks will leave out your excellent writing because of this problem.

I’ll get it sorted pronto,  I promise.   I don’t want to lose a ‘large part’ of you; not when you enjoy my ‘excellent writing’ so much.   I’ll end up talking to myself, and that way lies madness.  And possibly worse.  Though if I’ve gone mad, I probably won’t care.

Thought for the Day

‘The more one gets to know of men, the more one values dogs.’

Alphonse Toussenel

(1803 –1885)


About Chester Crump

Chester J Crump has spent a lifetime in cheese. His company, CC Cheese Ltd, was voted Door to Door magazine’s ‘Smallest Retailer of the Year’ from 1985-2007. Cheddar Today described him as ‘Chester Crump, aged 45’, while the UK’s most successful broadsheet, The Daily Telegraph, has never mentioned him at all. In his spare time, and under a completely different name, Chester has written gags and sketches for a wide range of TV and radio shows both in the UK and mainland Europe (BBC1, ITV, S4C, Radio 2, Radio 4 and the World Service – among others). A published writer for children, teenagers and adults, he has also performed stand-up comedy across Yorkshire and, in 2011, at the Edinburgh Fringe. Ten years ago, he was rumoured to be the constant companion of Sarah Michelle Gellar – TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and, more recently, that girl out of EastEnders whose name no one can remember. When he’s not writing his blog, Chester attends second-hand hat conventions, and has what many believe to be the largest collection of used headgear in Yorkshire. He is married to a woman, and lives in a house. All the above is completely true – with the possible exception of the bits about cheese. And Buffy. And EastEnders. And hats.
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9 Responses to Happy families…

  1. ‘Daddy’ is clearly a budding actor – well into the role!

  2. Well – that’s Bernard for you! 🙂

  3. Perhaps you’d like to add this to your spam family collection:

    “I have to show some thanks to you just for bailing me out of this condition. Because of looking out throughout the world-wide-web and obtaining things which were not powerful, I believed my life was well over. Being alive devoid of the solutions to the problems you’ve sorted out by means of your good article content is a critical case, and the ones which might have in a negative way damaged my entire career if I had not come across your blog. That training and kindness in touching every aspect was very useful. I don’t know what I would have done if I had not come across such a point like this. It’s possible to at this time look ahead to my future. Thanks so much for this impressive and results-oriented help. I won’t be reluctant to suggest your web site to any person who needs direction on this issue”

    Makes me wonder, has Harold been bailed out of his Olga condition yet?

    • That’s the sort of comment we amateur scribes can only dream of receiving. I’ve been to your blog and this is clearly not spam at all, but a genuine response. You have given hope to another human being with your ‘results-oriented help’. Your ‘training and kindness’ touches us all. Well done!

      As for Harold, he is keeping a low profile. Even I have no idea how he’ll escape from his current predicament. He is ‘devoid of solutions’. I may have to point him in your direction if he is not to ‘damage his career’ in a ‘negative way’. 🙂

  4. Hmmm – you’re making me think about positive career damage. A new take on work/life balance, perhaps?

  5. And what about this one??
    Hi I am so exhilarated I initiate your weblog, I unqualifiedly invoke occasion thither you past fortune, while I was looking on Aol over the scope of something else, Nonetheless I am here at the interest and would even-handed like to allege thanks after a impressive postal servicing and a all bead rotate enticing blog (I also be crazy the theme/design), I don’t have time to apprehend washing in unison’s hands of it all at the before you can say ‘jack robinson’ but I have planned bookmarked it and also included your RSS feeds, so when I be experiencing still I tilting be destroy to study a consignment more, Buoy up do safeguard up the magnetic outlook.

    Reminds me of one of those early computer games where you make a story by cobbling together random words and phrases. Or maybe something that’s been written in one language, translated into another then another etc – a sort of Chinese whispers, perhaps? Actually, the more you look at it, the more sense emerges – read ‘all round for ‘all bead rotate’,’ one’s hands’, not ‘unison’s hands.’ and ‘magnetic outlook’ should presumably read ‘attractive outlook’. But hey, doesn’t it give a more colourful picture ? There must be a writer’s challenge to use some of these phrases in a story without rendering it quite so unintelligible.

    • Good grief. Do you think they use a Google translator and just hope for the best? Mind-boggling stuff. Perhaps we should start emailing them back. That will confuse them.

      • I was wondering what would emerge if you threw it all into Harold’s magician’s hat but maybe just pass their email addresses to Bernard; tell him it’s a matter of national security to get to the bottom of this misuse of our language or something.

        You don’t think there really is a secret code hidden in there, do you? I mean, what sort of algorithm does it take to power a Google translator?

        What if we made the message into the opening paragraph of a fantasy detective story – would there be a copyright issue?

  6. Copyright issue or not, I can’t wait to read the story! Get writing at once. 🙂

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