Don’t go phoning the police…

Things have been quiet of late.  That may be to your liking – in which case prepare for further excitement.

Mrs C and I are off to Cheese World!   It’s a dairy-themed adventure park on the outskirts of Munich.  Don’t go looking for it on the map;  it’s not marked, being a secret destination, the details given out only to a favoured few.  (Yours truly being one of them!)

We’ll be gone for ten days, so don’t go worrying yourselves that, because the blog is even quieter than usual, I’ve lost interest and taken up dominoes  or some other athletic pursuit.  I haven’t.  Nor have I been arrested for past entries poking fun at our thin blue line.  Those who suggest otherwise are only out to make trouble.

Of course, it will serve me right if I return to find I’ve no followers and you’ve all gone off to read ChessWillSetUsFree, the well-known intellectuals’ blog with which mine is occasionally confused.

I’m off now to supervise Mrs C’s packing.  She’s filled and emptied a suitcase 14 times in the past 24 hours despite claiming to have ‘nothing to wear’.  By rights, her luggage should prove light in the extreme,  and not, on this occasion, shatter the scales and incur the usual fine.

That’s the hope, at any rate.

Keep smiling till we meet again!

Thought for the Day

‘I went on holiday to forget everything.  And when I opened my suitcase, I found I had.’

Charles II of Spain (1661-1700)


About Chester Crump

Chester J Crump has spent a lifetime in cheese. His company, CC Cheese Ltd, was voted Door to Door magazine’s ‘Smallest Retailer of the Year’ from 1985-2007. Cheddar Today described him as ‘Chester Crump, aged 45’, while the UK’s most successful broadsheet, The Daily Telegraph, has never mentioned him at all. In his spare time, and under a completely different name, Chester has written gags and sketches for a wide range of TV and radio shows both in the UK and mainland Europe (BBC1, ITV, S4C, Radio 2, Radio 4 and the World Service – among others). A published writer for children, teenagers and adults, he has also performed stand-up comedy across Yorkshire and, in 2011, at the Edinburgh Fringe. Ten years ago, he was rumoured to be the constant companion of Sarah Michelle Gellar – TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and, more recently, that girl out of EastEnders whose name no one can remember. When he’s not writing his blog, Chester attends second-hand hat conventions, and has what many believe to be the largest collection of used headgear in Yorkshire. He is married to a woman, and lives in a house. All the above is completely true – with the possible exception of the bits about cheese. And Buffy. And EastEnders. And hats.
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15 Responses to Don’t go phoning the police…

  1. tinker3333 says:

    Have a great time! Tell us about it when you are back.

  2. Herr Lederhosen says:

    What a pity the Oktoberfest has ended. You and your good lady wife could have had a bevy or two, ja? Prost!

  3. Chess clearly sets us free from boredom. Have I missed something or have you never made it quite clear what cheese is freeing us from?

    • The ancient Goya tribes of South America (3000-2400BC) believed cheese to be the favoured food of the gods. They built huge temples (using nothing but dairy produce, mixed with a little sand) at which they worshipped craven images, carved from giant slabs of goat’s cheese. (Though some historians differ on this, and argue that the llama was the favoured beast.)

      By consuming cheese in huge quantities, the Goya believed they would become gods themselves. To that extent, it would set them free from their earthly bonds. In my case, having made my pile from cheddar and invested the proceeds wisely, cheese has set me free to pursue this blog, and assemble a large collection of second-hand hats – a subject about which I tend not to talk as it often invites ridicule.

      Cheese means different things to different people, and we all pursue our own path to self-knowledge.

      I hope this makes things a little clearer. As always, thank you for your continued interest and pertinent questions. Not everyone is fascinated by cheese, so it’s nice to meet a kindred spirit.

      • So that’s why you weren’t too worried when the bank transfer thing didn’t work out.

        And it makes a very pleasant change to find cheese associated with hats rather than socks. (You’re not by any chance responsible for the website about missing socks are you?)

        “Cheese means different things to different people, and we all pursue our own path to self-knowledge. ”

        Two wonderfully true facts in one sentence! There must be a great philosophical insight in that. Better set Einstein to work on it – or had Bernard already cracked it?

        Keep asking the questions; that’s the answer to the conundrum of life. Enlightenment lies in the questions, not the answers.

  4. You don’t tell us how you are travelling to Cheese World. Think we won’t guess you’re going by time machine and that’s why we won’t find it on the map.

    • I travelled first class. The current Mrs C insists upon it.

      Of course, secrecy being paramount, we were obliged to wear blindfolds, so may have gone to Bournemouth for all I know.

      It was nice, wherever it was.

      Dare I say, we flew there by CheesyJet?

      No, perhaps not… 🙂

      • Didn’t realise there were different classes of time travel – rather accounts for a lot, come to think of it.

        Not sure about the obsession with place names; once you get away from all the everyday stuff, all the THIS day stuff, what does it matter where?

  5. julielees says:

    I have to say that I am extremely jealous as ‘Cheese World’ sounds mighty exciting. Does it have any association with that other celebrated, but particularly elusive, amusement complex ‘Cracker Park’?

    • Have you been there yourself? Some say the rides at ‘Cracker Park’ are better than those at ‘Cheese World’. Others have visited, and done nothing but ‘whine’, especially if they’ve run out of cheese.

      Welcome to my incredibly humble abode – and many thanks for your comment. I’ve taken the liberty of adding details of your own blog to my ‘Links’ page, and will certainly pop in and return your compliment. 🙂

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