Did you get my postcard?

Guess who?

I’m home from Cheese World, refreshed, exhilarated and ready for action.

Only a week away, but what a week it’s been!

Quite frankly, you haven’t lived till you’ve skied down Camembert Canyon,  tackled the Red Leicester Run and ridden the world-famous Roquefort Rollercoaster.  It has to be experienced to be believed.

I’ve never seen Mrs C so animated.  Not even when she won ‘Pudding of the Year’ (cheesecake – naturally!) at the international WI ‘Plain Cooking Extravaganza’ 1993.

But enough of our fun.   I’m back with you now, and it’s down to business…

According to a report in this morning’s Daily Mail (‘the paper that shoots from the hip’, so it knows a lethal weapon when it sees one), police in Lancashire tasered a blind man after mistaking his stick for a Samurai sword.

It seems our villain failed to stop,  following a polite request from an armed officer to ‘stay where you are or I’ll shoot you’.    Being blind, he feared he was under attack by a gun-toting thug, which, in the circumstances, I suppose he was.

Throwing caution to the wind,  he scuttled off, at a brisk two miles an hour, leaving our hero trailing in his wake.    Unable to keep pace with such a dramatic turn of speed, the officer had no choice but to open fire.

Stung in the rear by a cool 50,000 volts, our man was then jumped on, wrestled to the ground and securely ‘cuffed.

That’ll teach him to lose his sight, then think he can walk the streets unmolested, just because someone’s given him a stick.

I’m trying to think of something funny to say about this story but must, on this occasion, admit defeat.   Sorry about that.

In the meantime…

This week’s spot the difference competition


Let’s be honest:  which of us has not, in our time, beaten up a blind man under the impression he was a trained assassin sent to ‘take us out’?   It would be wrong to poke fun at the police for such a simple error and I refuse to do so.

Thought for the Day

‘A holiday is something that turns someone who’s tired into someone who’s exhausted.’

King Ludwig II of Bavaria



About Chester Crump

Chester J Crump has spent a lifetime in cheese. His company, CC Cheese Ltd, was voted Door to Door magazine’s ‘Smallest Retailer of the Year’ from 1985-2007. Cheddar Today described him as ‘Chester Crump, aged 45’, while the UK’s most successful broadsheet, The Daily Telegraph, has never mentioned him at all. In his spare time, and under a completely different name, Chester has written gags and sketches for a wide range of TV and radio shows both in the UK and mainland Europe (BBC1, ITV, S4C, Radio 2, Radio 4 and the World Service – among others). A published writer for children, teenagers and adults, he has also performed stand-up comedy across Yorkshire and, in 2011, at the Edinburgh Fringe. Ten years ago, he was rumoured to be the constant companion of Sarah Michelle Gellar – TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and, more recently, that girl out of EastEnders whose name no one can remember. When he’s not writing his blog, Chester attends second-hand hat conventions, and has what many believe to be the largest collection of used headgear in Yorkshire. He is married to a woman, and lives in a house. All the above is completely true – with the possible exception of the bits about cheese. And Buffy. And EastEnders. And hats.
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4 Responses to Did you get my postcard?

  1. julielees says:

    Judging by the photographs, I can fully understand a case for mistaken identity – they are so difficult to tell apart.

  2. Not arrived yet – still watching the post.

    PS I love cheesecake.But I do wonder how it can be classified as plain cooking.

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