According to a report in today’s Daily Mail (‘the paper that’s finally lost its hold on reason’, so it believes everything it prints), Albert Einstein is alive and well and living in Malaysia.
What the Mail describes as ‘astonishing pictures’ have been taken of the late Mr Einstein living in a tree. The reason he’s living in a tree is not owing to reduced circumstances, following the worldwide recession, but because these days he’s settled down to life as a monkey.
As the Daily Mail pertinently asks, ‘Would you accept a physics lesson from a monkey who claimed to be a professor?’
It’s a straight question, and deserves a straight answer. That answer, in most cases, being ‘No’. (At least it was when I was at school. Though, to be fair, I failed science so may not be the best judge.)
The man who took these ‘astonishing pictures’ is another physics expert, 66-year-old Professor Mihail Nazarov. According to the Mail, he ‘noticed the likeness immediately and quickly took some shots to prove his theory’.
What his theory is they don’t explain. Possibly that the Daily Mail will print anything if it’s daft enough and there’s a Thursday in the month.
They continue: ‘From his receding white hair to his sprouting moustache, the baby monkey is a double for the man behind the legendary E=MC² equation’.
And there’s more: ‘The stump-tailed Macaque looks even more like the genius German scientist because of his wrinkled face, which belies his tender years’.
Einstein took his place in the history books in the early twentieth century and is often regarded as the father of modern physics for his work on the theory of relativity.
Now, as the Daily Mail can exclusively reveal, ‘his furrowed brow can be seen again – not bent over a pile of books but swinging through the branches of a tree’.
In case further proof were needed, their reporter adds a useful ‘comparison chart’, confirming that Einstein and the primate are one and the same.
For example, ‘Einstein is best known for his mass-energy equivalence formula E=MC², the world’s most famous equation’. Amazingly, the monkey is best known for ‘testing hair regrowth products for balding humans, because they too lose hair with age’.
I’ll be honest. From time to time I’ve wondered if the Daily Mail is a serious newspaper. This story proves beyond a trace of doubt that it is; and it’s not afraid to print the stories other journals – such as The Sun and the Daily Sport – choose to reject.
Finally, as if further proof were needed (which, in my opinion, it isn’t), they print a photograph of Einstein and the monkey.
Spot the difference
(Click on above image to enlarge)
I think that settles it.
Thought for the Day
‘An editor is one who separates the wheat from the chaff … and prints the chaff.’