Season’s Greetings…

… to one and all!

Thanks for following me – even when I’m not here and there’s nothing to follow.  Have a Happy Christmas and a safe, successful and cheese-packed New Year.

Mrs C and I are off to Bernard’s for a week.  Christmas lunch with the old fool should be fun.  (Well, it should be – but it generally isn’t.)   Wish me luck!

I’ll give him your regards.   I know you’d want me to.

Happy Christmas

The following are on my Christmas list.  Fingers crossed Santa thinks I’ve been good this year:

The Complete Book of Bacon William J Hogan (Northwood Books, 1978)

Food for Survival After a Disaster.  With Plates Raymond Charles Hutchinson (Carlton: Melbourne University Press, 1959)

Play With Your Own Marbles J J Wright (S W Partridge, c 1865)

Learn to Croon Brand Larkin (W Foulsham & C0, 1936)

The Strange Story of False Teeth John Woodforde (Routledge and Kegan Paul, 1968)

Fresh Air and How to Use It Thomas Spees Carrington (1912)

The Art of Invigorating and Prolonging Life … To which is Added The Pleasure of Making a Will William Kitchiner (1822)

[With thanks for all the above to: Bizarre Books by Russell Ash and Brian Lake (Pavilion Books Ltd, 1998) ]

Thought for the Day

“I had a terrible row with my wife on Christmas morning. 

She said, ‘You’ve done absolutely nothing to help with Christmas dinner!’

I said, ‘What do you mean? Look at the turkey – I’ve plucked it and I’ve stuffed it.  Now all you’ve got to do is kill it and put it in the oven!’ “

Cedric the Careful

King of the Franks (634-651 AD)


About Chester Crump

Chester J Crump has spent a lifetime in cheese. His company, CC Cheese Ltd, was voted Door to Door magazine’s ‘Smallest Retailer of the Year’ from 1985-2007. Cheddar Today described him as ‘Chester Crump, aged 45’, while the UK’s most successful broadsheet, The Daily Telegraph, has never mentioned him at all. In his spare time, and under a completely different name, Chester has written gags and sketches for a wide range of TV and radio shows both in the UK and mainland Europe (BBC1, ITV, S4C, Radio 2, Radio 4 and the World Service – among others). A published writer for children, teenagers and adults, he has also performed stand-up comedy across Yorkshire and, in 2011, at the Edinburgh Fringe. Ten years ago, he was rumoured to be the constant companion of Sarah Michelle Gellar – TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and, more recently, that girl out of EastEnders whose name no one can remember. When he’s not writing his blog, Chester attends second-hand hat conventions, and has what many believe to be the largest collection of used headgear in Yorkshire. He is married to a woman, and lives in a house. All the above is completely true – with the possible exception of the bits about cheese. And Buffy. And EastEnders. And hats.
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6 Responses to Season’s Greetings…

  1. Hey Chester. Was wondering what you were up to. Hope you get all those presents you are wishing for. One thing though, you need to behave. Keep on, keeping on. What ever that means. Merry Christmas, and have the greatest year ever.

  2. Ankur Mithal says:

    Wish you a Merry Christmas

  3. Hi Chester and Bernard (I assume if Chester is reading this he must be borrowing your computer.)

    I had a lovely block of cheese here – just nibbling some for lunch as I spotted the news of your brief return. Doubt if there will be any left by New Year it’s shrinking so fast.

    Books for Christmas indeed! You should know that the prescribed present for today is four blackbirds – formerly known as colly birds.

    How’s the research coming along? Or have you been so busy playing Santa’s little helper in the hope of getting hold of those books that you’ve forgotten what you told us you were up to?

    I see no-one has yet risked trying to decipher the secret message in your greetings card. I’m still trying to work it out – has cheese set Santa free? One might be tempted to think that cheese had freed you from the tyranny of Santa but the books say otherwise. And Santa looks too happy. Wouldn’t he be just a little but sad/annoyed/overworked if you had escaped him?

    • Like most of us after Christmas – I’m a spent force.

      And spending it with Bernard didn’t help. He has a new book out, but I’m trying not to talk about it.

      Keep up your good work – and I’ll try to to get back to mine.

      Happy New Year!


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